thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
