there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
