Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
