Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize