He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
