Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
