i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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