you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
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She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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