there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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