I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
