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it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
