Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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