as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize