I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
