My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
