I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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