stop calling my apartment porn island.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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