I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
