Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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