part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
