Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
