I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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