I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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