ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
