That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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