I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
