whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
