so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
