Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
