You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
