I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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