we made out on top of his cat.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
