Just fell off a train. Bad.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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