i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Boobs are out for the taking
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I still have a little drunk in my system
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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