why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
