Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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