I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
