haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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