I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I deserve this hangover.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
