His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
