I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
