He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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