hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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