I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
