She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
