she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
