i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
