So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
