If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We talked him into tasing himself.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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