In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
there is puke in my bra ... again
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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