I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Randomize
