Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
