Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wish I only lived at night.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
