It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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