he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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