lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
