i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
