hotel room ftw
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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