I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
