Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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