at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
