Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
