He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
