I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
