I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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