In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
