Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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