You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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